You
by Melfina Lupin
Summary: Something happened to Squall and now he rests in a hospital. Rinoa watches him one night. These are her thoughts


You ~ By Fujin

You ~ By Fujin

Disclaimer: SquareSoft owns FF8 and all its characters. Stella Soliel owns the song. ^_^ But this story is MINE!!! 

**You**

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Anytime in trouble,

I wish I could be the one

You call at night,

When you needed a friend

Squall, how could you do this? Why did you do this? For what purpose? For what purpose did you have in mind when you ran that blade over your wrist in the bathroom of your room? No one was around when you did that. Was that the reason? Were you feeling alone again and so abandoned that you wanted to kill yourself? I wish I could have been there to stop you. You needed someone to comfort you in that dark hour. I wish you had come talk to me. I could have helped you. Why didn't you knock on my door? You know I would never turn you away. Why didn't you come?

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Anytime the sorrow

I wish I could be the one

To make you smile again

You have a beautiful smile, Squall. I wish I could see it again. Lying on the hospital bed you look so sad and afraid even though your eyes are shut and you are still. I can hear your heart beat from the monitor and sense you breathing. There is a constant beep about the room. But that is the only sound. I'm here with you. I'm sitting by your side. You hand is in mine. Can you feel my warmth on your cold skin? Do you remember the times I could make you smile, Squall? I can. You are usually so silent and aloof. When I feel in love with you I made a promise to myself. It was to make you smile, some way or the other. And you did smile. The night after the final battle with Ultimecia. We won and you were finally happy.

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It's not over

Just start over

You are so beautiful and special

You're my hero

You don't even know

Only I know that we didn't win. Slowly, Ultimecia claimed your mind and soul until you were driven half-mad to find that razor in your bathroom. I know you wanted to kill yourself just to shut up the wicked sorceress that plagued your mind. She took your life, Squall. I know you didn't. Please don't die on me. I know you've lost a lot of blood. The bandages on your writs are stained crimson. Ultimecia's job is done. She wanted to see one of us die, to shatter our time together. No matter the cost, one of us had to receive her curse. Why did it have to be you? Squall, I love you so much. I can't stand to see you like this. You look ready to fly to heaven. Could you leave me behind? Squall, we all admire you and we all love you. I look up to you. You were always what I never could be. Strong and independent. I guess that was why I fell for you. I needed your strength and your love to make me powerful. I was so weak. I bet you don't even know your own value. Quistis and Irvine are just outside the room, crying. Selphie is calling your Dad. Zell is punching a wall, blaming himself for never being there for you. Squall, how could you not have known how much we love you?

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You are always there inside my mind

I'm so preoccupied

Sending love to you across the sky

So I never seem to get things done

I always think about you, Squall. How could I not? You are the most amazing person I have ever come to know. I always want ways to show you how much I love you-rain or shine. You would always laugh when I did special things for you. But inside I know that you were touched. Didn't you understand that I had to show you how much I loved you all the time? Most people don't. I just want to make sure that if something were to happen, you would know that you had died loved by me. I never got to say that 'I loved you' to my mom before she died. I'm afraid to have you think I didn't love you, Squall. And that's the reason I always showed you my affection. To make sure you got the point that I loved you. It was funny sometimes though. You constantly got on my case because I was too busy 'loving' you to do anything else. I know you wanted the best for me too and with your help I started getting better at school and grades. You never wanted to see me fail in anything.

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You're the only one

I worry all the time

So I have to let you go.

Squall, if you die here, I don't know if I can be ready to let you go. You are so young and we had so many plans together for the future. You said that next year you would have saved enough money to marry me. We could live a happy life together without worry or pain. You said you didn't want to see me struggle or want anything. Squall, we really didn't need all that money. I just wanted to be your wife. We thought about children too. But now…I feel like all my dreams have come crashing down on me now. Like they are just a curse to smother me. I can't breath. I can't stand. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose you. You are the only thing that matters to me. You are my world. I'm afraid that I will die with you. I'm afraid that I will become nothing without you. I'm afraid to be left alone.

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Anytime the trouble

I wish I could be the one

You want to hold you and

Tell you you're fine

I snap out of my daze when you start to cough and murmur something in your sleep. I'm scared. I can't tell what you are saying but I know you are probably having a nightmare. You look so lost and so sad. I place my hand on your brow, cool skin against burning flesh, and quietly hum a familiar song. I am hoping that it will calm you down a bit. It works and I'm relieved. I would like to take you into my arms and hold you but I can't. I'm too afraid to touch you. You might break any moment. I am hoping that you are getting better but I know the truth. The stains are growing larger and you are getting paler. A blood transplant wouldn't work. The doctors say so. You are not fine. Not fine at all.

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Anytime the sorrow

I wish I could be the one

To make you try again

It's not over

Just start over

I do wish I could turn back the hands of time. Crying, I know I can't. Even for a sorceress I can't do that. I can't tempt with fate. Suddenly I'm so angry at life. Squall, this can't be the end. I wish you would wake up and give me something to hope for. You have been asleep for too many hours. I can't hold onto my optimism for much longer. I'm weak and I'm failing to believe in you. Please, I just want you to wake up. It's not over. You have too much to live for. I have too much to give up if you die. We will start over. I promise you that we will. Ultimecia has ruined you once and for all. She won't come back. I'll be damned if she takes you away from me. You are strong. Please don't give up. Fight whatever is taking you from me. Just fight it, Squall. There are tears pouring down my face as I rest my head on your bed. I feel so drained. All my sadness and pain have finally caught up with me.

We will start over, Squall…

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You're so fragile and peculiar

You took a little detour

You feel a little insure

We all make mistakes, Squall. Maybe there was another way you could have got the witch to leave you alone. Maybe hurting yourself was the only way. Maybe that was what Ultimecia wanted. Was that what you wanted? Are you sorry that you did it? She may have left you alone but at what price? Did you understand to full extent of this? Did you know it was just a pointless sacrifice? She is gone now from your mind, but you won't live long to boast about it. I know you are dying, from the inside out. Your body is shutting down. You are too weak to go on. Weeks of your inner torment are finally taking a toll on your helpless body. I don't want to sit here and watch you die. But I can't move either. I will have to stay and watch the love of my life slowly, painfully wither away. I hate her. I hate myself for not watching out for you. I hate life. I want to die too.

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Don't give up

There's a way out

And you know it

Don't give up

I can just picture you shaking your head. No, I can't kill myself. That isn't the right road to take. I must be strong. There is another way to deal with this pain. I must be strong for the sake of others. I won't give up, Squall, just as long as you promise me that you won't either. We need each other, Squall. Fate brought us together and nothing can tear us apart. Nothing. Hope might be hiding from us now, but you and I know its there. Somewhere. It just needs time to show itself. I squeeze your cold hand in mine. I won't let you go, Squall. I can't let you go. It's not your time. It's not your way yet.

I lean forward a little to brush my lips against your mouth. I close my eyes and savor the sweet touch. "I love you, Squall," I whisper. "Please don't leave me."

"I won't," you reply. Your voice is so faint, so soft but I know it's there. I want to cry with happiness. You struggle as you open your cool blue eyes. I gaze down at you and you hold my stare. You smile a weak smile and squeeze my hand, silently telling me that everything will be fine. How can I not believe you?

No, it's not our time yet to leave this world.

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Author's note: I so wanted this story to be a completely angst one. You know that ones that rip your heart about and stomp on it for a bit and make you feel so sorry for the characters? I was thinking of making Squall die but if I did that my older sister would have to kill me. ^_^ She loves Rinoa and Squall romance. But I wanted to write this one. So, Laura, like it or not, this story is all yours. (You will probably still kill me) ^_^


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